Whoa! Mind-blowing news out of the NFL today: Sean Payton of my beloved — now tarnished — New Orleans Saints shockingly getting suspended for a full year, and Tim Tebow jawdroppingly being traded to the New York Jets, home of another studly young quarterback, Mark Sanchez [UPDATE: Or was he? UPDATE NO. 2: Yes, yes, he was.]. The New York Jets’ locker room just became insane … INSANELY HOT!

Sanchez and Tebow are very different guys, in many different ways — especially when it comes to women (but does anyone really think that Tebow is still a virgin?). Let the football experts break down Tebow and Sanchez’s on-field skills and struggles. We football sexperts will break down what you REALLY care about: their looks! Ready? Let’s go!

(Note: For you man candy fans without the slightest bit of knowledge of football, that’s Sanchez on the left and Tebow on the right in all the photos!)

Hair:

Mark’s sexy curly locks vs. Tim’s bizarre brush.

OUR PICK: SANCHEZ.

Lips:

Mark’s luscious kissable pillow lips … Wait. Where were we?

OUR PICK: SANCHEZ. No contest.

Eyes

Mark’s soulful brown eyes vs. Tim’s baby blues.

OUR PICK: TEBOW.

Chest/abs:

Mark’s cut physique vs. Tim’s beefy bod.

OUR PICK: SANCHEZ.

Arms:

Weird that Tim doesn’t throw as much as Mark considering how much more pumped up his arms are.

OUR PICK: TEBOW.

Butt:

Hmmm. Both eminently goose-able … this one may be too close to call.

OUR PICK: TIE.

So who’s New York’s sexiest quarterback?

OUR PICK:

MARK SANCHEZ!

Who’s your choice? Let us know in the comments below!