Category Archives: Mark Sanchez

Top 10 Hottest Football Players 2013

Hottest Football Players

Thirty-two teams, 53-player rosters each. Take it from us: There’s a lot of M-A-N in the NFL. We know, ’cause we looked at them all to produce this list of the National Football League’s 10 hottest players 2013!

We take our research a little too seriously and are crazy picky about our picks. So, if you’re upset that Tim Tebow didn’t make our cut, for instance, please understand that it was because he got cut by the New England Patriots, not us. Blame Bill Belichick (we love doing that)! Speaking of the Pats, veteran tally topper Tom Brady got edged off our list this year by a new teammate. Hope that doesn’t mean Brady won’t throw him the ball!

To make the most of this list — which is ranked in reverse order by hotness — you don’t have to know the difference between a wide receiver and a running back, but you simply must have an appreciation for a tight end (sorry). Keep scrolling below to join us in counting down the Top 10 Sexiest NFL Players of the 2013-2014 Season!

10. DANNY AMENDOLA, New England Patriots

Hottest Football Players: Danny Amendola

Position: Wide receiver
Age: 27
Marital Status: Single (we think … we hope)
What Makes Him Swoonworthy: That smirk, those biceps (tie)

Tom Brady’s brand-new weapon is actually an NFL veteran who most recently played for the St. Louis Rams. At 5’10″ the Texas native is called “undersized,” like his pretty Pats predecessor Wes Welker. The oft-hurt Amendola was just listed with a groin injury (no, not there!). Let’s hope it doesn’t keep him off the field: The civic-minded player has pledged to donate $100 for every pass he catches — and $200 for every dropped pass, haters! — to a relief fund for victims of the Boston Marathon bombings.

9. VICTOR CRUZ, New York Giants

Hottest Football Players: Victor Cruz

Position: Wide receiver
Age: 26
Marital Status: Has longtime girlfriend
What Makes Him Swoonworthy: Gotta love a man who can dance!

The player who brought salsa dancing into the stadium has so much style to spare he started his own clothing line. The New Jersey native is so famously well groomed he has even just been named a spokesman for Gillette. Check out how he gets that 6-foot body of his in Super Bowl shape: “Every three weeks or so I get a manicure and pedicure, and every other week I get a massage. You have to do those little things to keep your body in shape. In the long run it pays off.” Oh, my, and how!

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Mark Sanchez, We Still Love You!

Not a great day to be New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez. Not a great YEAR to be Mark Sanchez. Remember when Tim Tebow came to town and we thought this season might actually be kinda fun? Yeah… no.

The season ended in utter disaster for Sanchez and the Jets last night, in yet another humiliating display on national TV (will anyone ever be able to forget Sanchez’s butt fumble?!). While many Jets fans primarily blame Mark, we blame the Jets’ front office (1) and coaches (2) much, much more.

The Jets made heinous personnel changes over the past couple of years, with the Tebow trade the capper. Some athletes are motivated by fear, others are motivated with hugs. It’s up to general managers and professional sports coaches to know the damned difference!

Us, we’re giving Mark the hug he so terribly needs.

(((Mark Sanchez)))

More Juicy Fodder for That Tebow-Sanchez Slash Fiction

Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow and his pretty blue eyes met the New York media for today in celebration of the saintly stud’s becoming a New York Jet.

Much has been written about the relationship the ostensible backup quarterback has with the Jets’ starting GQ QB, Mark Sanchez, but now we have some info straight from Tebow’s mouth!

He spoke about texts and phone conversations between the two quarterbacks with the assembled press corps, but he delved a little deeper into their relationship in a one-on-one interview with SNY’s Jeane Coakley. Watch it here:

The interview held some juicy nuggets (bolded for your pleasure) that will provide the starting point for Tebow-Sanchez Slash Fic for months to come:

“We’re just going to have a great time together, we’re going to work hard … We’ve had a great relationship since I visited USC and he was one of my hosts. And that was before anybody knew who Mark Sanchez or Tim Tebow were. And we had a great relationship then, and we’ll have a great relationship now. And it’s gonna be fun. And we’re going to have a great time together. We’ll spend so much time in the quarterback room, the meeting rooms and it’ll be fun.”

Bring it on, writers, bring it on!

Here’s the Big Winner of the NFL Trade Insanity

Eric Decker

Who’s the big winner in all the recent NFL trade insanity — Peyton Manning to Broncos, Tim Tebow to Mark Sanchez’s Jets. Manning? No. Tebow? No. Sanchez? Certainly not.

So who’s the big winner? WE’RE THE BIG WINNER, PEOPLE! Yes, we get to watch Sanchez and Tebow fight it out for quarterback playing time, ideally naked and oiled up (all hail the start of the Tebow-Sanchez slash-fiction golden age!). Failing that best-case scenario, we are no doubt in for a cute photo shoot of the two of them together. Clothed. Probably in full uniform and pads. Whatever. We’ll take it!

But the other big pay-off for us? More Eric Decker. MUCH MORE Eric Decker. (Some of you watch football and know what I’m talking about. You can skip the next paragraph.)

Eric Decker and Tim Tebow were on the same team (Broncos). Eric catches balls. Tim doesn’t throw them. Eric got so little action that, during one game, his girlfriend was forced to tweet something along the lines of “Throw the damn ball!” (Sing it, sister!) Now the trades went down. Tim’s gone from Eric’s team; Peyton’s on it. Peyton is AWESOME at throwing balls. You following?

More playing time for Eric Decker means more camera time for Eric Decker. More opportunity for him to excel means an increased chance of more magazine spreads like this one from the November 2010 issue of GQ:

WE WIN!! WE WIN!!

Mark Sanchez vs. Tim Tebow: Who’s Sexier?

Mark Sanchez vs. Tim Tebow

Whoa! Mind-blowing news out of the NFL today: Sean Payton of my beloved — now tarnished — New Orleans Saints shockingly getting suspended for a full year, and Tim Tebow jawdroppingly being traded to the New York Jets, home of another studly young quarterback, Mark Sanchez [UPDATE: Or was he? UPDATE NO. 2: Yes, yes, he was.]. The New York Jets’ locker room just became insane … INSANELY HOT!

Sanchez and Tebow are very different guys, in many different ways — especially when it comes to women (but does anyone really think that Tebow is still a virgin?). Let the football experts break down Tebow and Sanchez’s on-field skills and struggles. We football sexperts will break down what you REALLY care about: their looks! Ready? Let’s go!

(Note: For you man candy fans without the slightest bit of knowledge of football, that’s Sanchez on the left and Tebow on the right in all the photos!)

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