Eric Decker is a New York Jet. Repeat: Eric Decker is a New York Jet. We go to sleep and he isn’t a Jet — we wake up and he totally is. IS THIS REAL LIFE?!?!
It’s not only real life, it’s a fantasy come true: The No. 1 hottest guy in the entire NFL has signed with our hometown team. Decker reportedly says that the Denver Broncos, his team for the last four years, never even offered him a deal. A shame for many reasons, not the least of which is how spectacular he looks in orange. We dare say he’ll look pretty damn great in green too. (Spoiler alert: He looks flawless in — and out of — everything.)
The wide receiver was a popular fantasy league pick last season, thanks to his fruitful association with Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning. No one, least of all the Jets themselves, yet knows what the future holds for the QB position of Gang Green. Expectations are that last season’s rookie quarterback, Geno Smith, will retain the spot, despite mixed on-field results. If so, we hope that Geno — unlike Tim Tebow when he was with Denver — will throw Decker the damned ball.
Prognosticators are also saying that the Jets will cut swoonworthy QB Mark Sanchez, who was injured all last season. This is terrible news for those of us hoping for a fantasy team of a different kind. Can you imagine if Mark were the starter again and Eric was his favorite target? I mean, can you IMAGINE? Wow. Might need to take a break for a minute … Wow.