Tom Brady’s Hair: An Open Letter

Tom Brady now (top) and then (sigh)

Tom Brady, I hate to even say this, but I know you’ll take this like the champ you obviously are: I really, really like long hair. I just don’t like it on you.

Now, all of this nasty hair plug chatter, I want no part of. That’s your business. You might then argue that your hair is your business. Which is not true. Your hair is my business, ’cause my business is to swoon all your over @ss. I can’t do my job unless you help me do my job. Help me, Tom. Help me.

I know you don’t particularly care that I — and, at last count, some 50 Facebook pages — don’t care for your hair, ’cause, well, SHE obviously likes it. But Tom, she keeps jetting around the globe (with your adorbs baby) and frankly, she’s so stunning I’m not sure she ever stops looking at her own reflection long enough to reflect properly on you.

So it’s time to get back to your foxy self (as seen in the gallery below). You can do it for the good of your reputation (to keep punks like the Bieb from calling you out), you can do it for man-candy fans — or, hey, you can do it for the good of mankind: You work at GILLETTE STADIUM, man. Gillette can sponsor the haircut or maybe you can auction off your locks to the highest bidder, all for charity. Or something. Just do it.

Brady in better days:

Related:
Tom Brady’s Bitchface
Dez Bryant: Let’s Review
Say It Ain’t So, Ochocinco!