Swoonworthy’s Fantasy Football Team 2010
7 Sep
As professional admirers of the male form, we’re no fans of blood, broken bones and — God forbid — facial bruising, but we have to say this: Helmets and pads gotta go! Courtesy of mounds of the protective gear, we had always thought that the men who played American football were enormous, 300-pound, no-neck beasts. After hours of intense research we’ve determined that … yes, that’s true. But certainly not always. Many of the sport’s top players are physical specimens that make us wish gridiron end-zone celebrations included the shirtlessness that’s so rampant at soccer matches. Alas.
Still, we’ve rounded up the finest the NFL has to offer for you, just in time for the start of the season, and just like with our World Cup Starting 11 list, we don’t care if a player’s especially good, we just care if he’s good looking. He can get fired for being ineffectual on the field (ahem, Matt Leinart) and still make our fantasy team if he’s cute enough, but one bad Bieber haircut might be enough to get a perennial favorite and three-time Super Bowl winner cut (from our starting squad, anyway).
Because we take our work strangely seriously, we tackled the project using an ESPN fantasy football team roster as a guide: a quarterback, two running backs, two wide receivers, one flex player (either a running back or wide receiver; we chose wide receiver), one tight end (*immature snicker*), one kicker and one entire defense or special team, plus a bench of seven players — in case our starters get injured during our rigorous workouts (although apparently we’re only planning to wear out our quarterbacks and wide receivers).
OK, enough chatter — ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!?!?!?
Here’s Swoonworthy’s Fantasy Football Team 2010:
THE STARTERS
The Quarterback:
Mark Sanchez, New York Jets
The Running Backs:
Reggie Bush, New Orleans Saints
Adrian Peterson, Minnesota Vikings
The Wide Receivers:
Eric Decker, Denver Broncos
Devin Thomas, Washington Redskins
Chad Ochocinco, Cincinnati Bengals
The Tight End:
Vernon Davis, San Francisco 49ers
The Kicker:
Adam Vinatieri, Indianapolis Colts
The Defense:
Arizona Cardinals
(as represented by, from left,
Daryl Washington, Adrian Wilson, Kerry Rhodes)
THE BENCH
Tom Brady, New England Patriots (Quarterback)
David Carr, San Francisco 49ers (Quarterback)
Matt Leinart, Houston Texans (Quarterback)
Terrell Owens, Cincinnati Bengals (Wide Receiver)
Dez Bryant, Dallas Cowboys (Wide Receiver)
DeSean Jackson, Philadelphia Eagles (Wide Receiver)
Riley Cooper, Philadelphia Eagles (Wide Receiver)
OMG, I’m going to have to start watching football!
Devin Thomas = Black Dave Navarro. Srsly!
i blame gisele for tom brady’s awful hairdo
Good freaking lord, did you see Dez Bryant?!?!? Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
Helloo Eric Decker! I’m now a Broncos fan and a fan of Vernon D’s smile and lips and muscles in general. THese guys should wear clear padding am I right?
LOL, Bentley! You’re dead on. Second me for Eric Decker, btw. Do I have to watch the Broncos play now? Damn.
Holy f—, that Eric Decker! What is that wide receivers do, exactly?