1. Blue steel on a blue sofa.
The handsome Armie Hammer spreads out all 6 feet 5 inches of himself in a pose so seductive that I don’t even mind that he’s way, WAY overdressed. Quite the contrary: I want to glide all the way up that crisp crease on his slacks. And that belt will make me a fetching headband.
2. Profile in hotness.
Classic, cool and so lacking in imperfections you almost agree with the crazy lady who tried to stab him during sex because he needed a scar. Almost.
3. Get out of the pool and into my bed.
A hot torso tease with just the right amount of chest hair in just the right spots. Sigh. I would like to start the bidding for the next photos in this series at $500.
4. Under-exposed works, too.
It’s a good thing parts of this sexy pic are obscured; if the entire thing were as clear as his piercing blue eyes (or is it eye?), my ovaries would need a hiding spot of their own.
5. You looking at me?
Wait — are you looking at me? Omigod, you are! ::blush::
6. WTF and I Don’t Care
There is so much WTF-ery going on in this screencap from “Mirror Mirror” that I need to focus on just one thing: The fact that those white linen pants look a little wrinkled there, Armie… I’d be happy to iron them. OVERJOYED. (I hate ironing.)
7. Sweatshirt, jeans and genes.
All this handsome and he’s not even trying.
8. Nope, not trying here either.
[Insert ridiculous, over-the-top horse-riding innuendo here.]
9. Just add dog.
Hey, who isn’t a sucker for hotties with puppies?
10. Natural beauty.
I WOULD CLIMB HIM LIKE A TREE.
12. You charming mofo, you.
Someday my prince will come… I’ll stop there.
13. Casual sexy
Black and white and STUD all over!
14. Just add… frog?
At least I think that’s a frog on his knee. Confession: I can’t really care about amphibians when Armie’s hoodie is unzipped like that.
15. Woman? What woman?
No, I can’t figure out what’s going on in this picture, either. Because man nip.
16. Oh, that woman.
Somehow I’m able to only see Armie’s back muscles and strong arms when looking at this smoking image. My mind is a fantastic Photoshop machine!
17. Young lust.
Aw, yes, young Armie, I’d love a song. And a beer. And for you to do the dishes.
18. The Bone Ranger
That’s so the p0rn name for “The Lone Ranger,” come on!
19. Baring his… teeth.
He has smiled in, like, 0.001 percent of these images. It was time. (Nice watch.)
20. THE ULTIMATE
Armie doesn’t always wear a uniform while posing with a dog in a classy setting — but when he does, it’s AMAZING.